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Below are 25 journal entries, after skipping by the 25 most recent ones recorded in
Caseman's LiveJournal:
| Sunday, October 19th, 2008 | |
| 11:45 pm | |
| 10:46 pm | |
| Wednesday, October 8th, 2008 | |
| 8:01 pm | You Want White Castle, You Need White Castle Thank you, Weird Al, for making me laugh. Job Interview Friday. Wish me luck. |
| Saturday, September 27th, 2008 | |
| 10:22 pm | |
| Monday, September 15th, 2008 | |
| 9:27 am | |
| Wednesday, September 10th, 2008 | |
| 3:18 am | |
| Monday, September 8th, 2008 | |
| 8:36 pm | |
| Saturday, September 6th, 2008 | |
| 4:19 am | Late nights are a part of my life now. Its hard to sleep alone. Ive been broke and, more recently, lonely. Being unable to find a job for weeks was very depressing. Guess that's why they called it the Depression. I hold on to hope. I have an offer at some pharmaceutical company to do something. I'd tell you more but that's about all I know right now. Even then its rocky, job might be gone before I can get it. Oh and its overnights 3 days on 2 days off. Kiss any chance of seeing my girlfriend goodbye. My father has left for Europe. Who knows when he'll be back. Doesn't matter anyway, said he'll never give me money again. I'm slowly selling all the possessions I own to make ends meet. Praying checks don't bounce. Counting the days until I get my next measly check. Counting the days until I get my next $75 in food stamps. I can't keep asking for help. Everyone else is in the same situation. I thought I knew struggling. I thought I knew broke. I don't have money for World of Warcraft, which has been my only escape from this... Rut. How far do I have to fall before I can bounce back? how far? |
| Thursday, August 28th, 2008 | |
| 7:34 pm | http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/0 So. Foo Fighters - The Colour and the Shape Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking Megadeth - Peace Sells... But Who's Buying Stevie Ray Vaughn - Texas Flood No Doubt - Best Of Coming for Rock Band. Who's excited? |
| 12:19 pm | :) Happy 3 months, baby. |
| Monday, August 18th, 2008 | |
| 12:03 pm | Just in case you were wondering Want to know how bad the economy is? Want to know how shitty the job market is? SDP, the company everyone knows as the place to go for work when all else fails, has a BACKLOG. I interviewed there today and can't start until September 22 So how the fuck am I going to pay the rent? |
| Friday, August 15th, 2008 | |
| 2:26 pm | |
| Friday, July 25th, 2008 | |
| 1:25 pm | |
| Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 | |
| 3:49 am | |
| Saturday, July 19th, 2008 | |
| 1:41 am | sometime someone else says it better a guy named horseface on SA wrote this and I liked it so much I figured I'd post it here: For me, the big theme of the movie (and a lot of the Batman mythos in general) is how people respond to tragedy, and the three responses embodied in the three main characters. Batman, obviously, looks into the void and rebels against it. He is faced with random tragedy and responds by vowing to never let anyone else be faced with a similar event. His M.O. is to bring order to the surrounding chaos of life, no matter how impossible that may ultimately be. The very fact that he tries his best brings meaning and sanity to his life, and ultimately to Gotham itself (at least where the film begins) The Joker embraces the void. The big thing that wowed me about Nolan and Ledger's portrayal is that in their version, the Joker is for all intents and purposes not even human. He has no name, no identity, no background, no personal life, no relationships (except with Batman) and no origin. Which is a brilliant move, because ultimately none of that stuff matters. The Joker isn't a great character because of who he is, but because of what he represents. And that of course is Chaos with a capital C. He recognizes the disorder and meaningless of existence and more than accepting it, he becomes an agent of it. He spreads destruction and dischord wherever he goes. He challenges everything that the more order-minded men of Gotham believe in. He's Loki and the old testament Devil wrapped into one, wrecking the deepest values of everyone he encounters and laughing as he goes. He's not a man, he's a force of nature at its worst. And then you have Two Face, who falls somewhere in between. He tried to serve order and justice, but when faced with exactly the type of tragedy he's spent his life to prevent, he snaps and abandons that path. Through most of the film his coin flip was a ruse or a formality; he'd chosen his path, he knew exactly what he was or wasn't going to do, and he never risked straying from that path for the sake of chance. He made his own fate, as he says. But after tragedy hits him, he abandons order, like the Joker, but he also abandons chaos, like Batman. He surrenders himself to fate itself. While the Joker responds to the cold indifference of the universe by sowing destruction and Batman responds by preventing it, Two Face BECOMES that cold indifference. There is no right or wrong for him. There's only chance, or Fate. Everyone and everything has a 50/50 chance, and he simply lets the chips fall where they may. Whatever happens was meant to happen, and to hell with anything else. And what's really insane is that there's even more to the movie than that, because I was trying to think about the conclusion, and how the film ends with the message that Batman's approach is correct, that we need to fight evil regardless of whether we can win, but it ISN'T that cut and dry; there's a whole ton of other stuff involved about the nature of heroism, and the difference between what we need and what we deserve. There's so fucking much in this movie I can't stand it; I can't wait for the second viewing. Or you know, maybe it's just a superhero movie. But I don't think so. |
| Friday, July 18th, 2008 | |
| 4:59 am | So. The Dark Knight. Absolutely everything you think it will be and more. ( Read more... ) I need to see this movie again. |
| Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 | |
| 10:51 pm | "understanding is not necessary, knowing is enough" -Anti-Spiral Finished watching Tengen Toppa Guuren Lagaan for the second time. It was even better, plus I got to watch it with Sammy. Manly tears were once again shed and I want, even more, to the the Dai-Guuren-Dan skull tattoo. Never regretting the present or fearing the future, kicking reason to the curb and always giving it your all, sounds like a tattoo-worthy symbol to me. They even want to make it the New Union Jack. Its such an awesome anime on so many levels. Seriously everyone should see it. |
| 2:20 am | |
| Monday, July 7th, 2008 | |
| 7:22 am | fuck my teeth i am so sick of this pull them all out ill just gum it for the rest of my life this pain is more then any one man should have to endure I brush them WELL EVERY GODDAMN DAY I buy EXPENSIVE toothpaste I even FLOSS! I eat the SAME damn foods as everyone else Why the hell do I have to be the one waking up in the middle of the night with overwhelming pain? why do I have to watch the teeth rot out of my head? What the hell did I do wrong? I've beeen holding out for so long hoping maybe someday I could get insurance at my work but I guess I'll just put myself in more debt its not like i need a car I just have to resign myself to never ever EVER getting out of this hole its just problem after problem crisis after crisis how the hell am i suppose to find the time to better myself or my station in life when I'm always struggling just to survive? |
| Sunday, July 6th, 2008 | |
| 2:34 pm | Row Row Fight the Powa! Tengen Toppen GURREN LAGANN is the best anime since FMA, and its coming to the states so none of you have any excuse to not watch it. Beginning July 28th, they will air 2 episodes a week on Scifi Channel at 11:00 pm. Watch it, record it, download it, I don't care. Everyone needs to see it, it is epically awesome. |
| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 | |
| 7:31 pm | I love this. Say what you will, but this nearly made me cry. Our emotional state of choice is Ecstasy. Our nourishment of choice is Love. Our addiction of choice is technology. Our religion of choice is music. Our currency of choice is knowledge. Our politics of choice is none. Our society of choice is utopian though we know it will never be. You may hate us. You may dismiss us. You may misunderstand us. You may be unaware of our existence. We can only hope you do not care to judge us, because we would never judge you. We are not criminals. We are not disillusioned. We are not drug addicts. We are not naive children. We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself. We are The Massive. One Massive. We were first drawn by the sound. From far away, the thunderous, muffled, echoing beat was comparable to a mother's heart soothing a child in her womb of concrete, steel, and electrical wiring. We were drawn back into this womb, and there, in the heat, dampness, and darkness of it, we came to accept that we are all equal. Not only to the darkness, and to ourselves, but to the very music slamming into us and passing through our souls: we are all equal. And somewhere around 35Hz we could feel the hand of God at our backs, pushing us forward, pushing us to push ourselves to strengthen our minds, our bodies, and our spirits. Pushing us to turn to the person beside us to join hands and uplift them by sharing the uncontrollable joy we felt from creating this magical bubble that can, for one evening, protect us from the horrors, atrocities, and pollution of the outside world. It is in that very instant, with these initial realizations that each of us was truly born. We continue to pack our bodies into clubs, or warehouses, or buildings you've abandoned and left for naught, and we bring life to them for one night. Strong, throbbing, vibrant life in it's purest, most intense, most hedonistic form. In these makeshift spaces, we seek to shed ourselves of the burden of uncertainty for a future you have been unable to stabilize and secure for us. We seek to relinquish our inhibitions, and free ourselves from the shackles and restraints you've put on us for your own peace of mind. We seek to re-write the programming that you have tried to indoctrinate us with since the moment we were born. Programming that tells us to hate, that tells us to judge, that tells us to stuff ourselves into the nearest and most convenient pigeon hole possible. Programming that even tells us to climb ladders for you, jump through hoops, and run through mazes and on hamster wheels. Programming that tells us to eat from the shiny silver spoon you are trying to feed us with, instead of nourish ourselves with our own capable hands. Programming that tells us to close our minds, instead of open them. Until the sun rises to burn our eyes by revealing the distopian reality of a world you've created for us, we dance fiercely with our brothers and sisters in celebration of our life, of our culture, and of the values we believe in: Peace, Love, Freedom, Tolerance, Unity, Harmony, Expression, Responsibility and Respect. Our enemy of choice is ignorance. Our weapon of choice is information. Our crime of choice is breaking and challenging whatever laws you feel you need to put in place to stop us from celebrating our existence. But know that while you may shut down any given party, on any given night, in any given city, in any given country or continent on this beautiful planet, you can never shut down the entire party. You don't have access to that switch, no matter what you may think. The music will never stop. The heartbeat will never fade. The party will never end. I am a raver, and this is my manifesto |
| Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 | |
| 3:06 am | These Days Have been some of the best of my life. Thursday Sammy came down. Friday I went to Blood on the Turntables with Sammy, Rich, Colin, fuckin Brian, Leah, Julio, and a couple other guys (my memory sucks). Jekel and Hyde are one of my new favorite artists. VOCODERS! Saturday I went to Bri's Birthday bash, and saw The Incredible Hulk. Swam, laughed, played Mario Kart, spent time with good friends. Sunday I saw Sammy's parents, and my Dad&Joy. Today I sit alone, but think about 5 days from now. Think about the month to come. I'm getting my license, I'm getting a taste of the life I will one day make with Sammy, and I'm going to straighten a lot of things out and decide how the next year will go. I saw a picture today. Of Steph and Derrick. It made me smile. Really. I hope shes happy. I was thinking of trying to get a loan for $10,000. TO pay off everything and buy Colin's car. What does everyone think? |
| Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 | |
| 1:37 am | |
| Friday, June 6th, 2008 | |
| 9:57 pm | Friendship It always has been and always will be deeper then any romantic relationship. Friends never forget who you are. |
| Thursday, June 5th, 2008 | |
| 3:49 pm | man I've been ignoring this thing O.O So last Tuesday I got a call from Sammy: "If I could grant you any wish right now, what would it be?" In the interest of not causing depression, I didn't immediately say "You." So I said a million dollars so I could buy a house in Tallahassee. So then she knocks on my door :-D She spent all of last week here, with me. It was absolute bliss. I don't care for the judgments, I don't care for the shouldn'ts, the wont's. I am in love. Absolutely, completely head over heels for this girl. She lights a fire in my heart I haven't felt since Amanda. I've shown her all of myself, and she has not looked away. I have talked to her about everything. Everything. The connection was immediate The trust is strong The love is limitless. Nothing else matters. I have heard the cries, too soon, too far, too young, too good. No. Love knows no time, no boundaries, no distance, no limitation. We would not be here if we were not ready. For each other, for all the ways in which we are to grow together. She is my 28 As for me, I'm kind of lost. Massage Therapy doesn't feel right anymore, since apparently no one really believes I should do it. Too many doubts have been planted in my mind. So I'm back where I started. I don't know what I want. I know I want Sammy, I know I want a car, and I know I want full time at Lenscrafters. Speaking of which, I need need NEED a second job. As much as I don't want one, I am not getting nearly enough hours. I tell my boss this and she basically shrugs it off. The trade of making glasses is one that really appeals to me, and I love the job itself and the people I work with. But the business model at Lenscrafters sucks hardcore. They will string me along at 20-30 hours a week for as long as they can. Getting promoted or even getting full time there means putting in way more effort then I really think is necessary. You have to somehow find a way to do all of these extra things while you're there, yet they only work you when its busy. I'm supposedly supposed to be leaving the lab every day I'm there for about an hour to work on dispensing glasses. 90% of the time, I'm there by myself or with only one other person. It just doesn't add up. Sharon, my immediate supervisor said it best: "They don't want 100% out of you, not even 110%, they want 300%." They way they act, you're supposed to be some sort of superhuman to move up. Which would be fine, except when you do, the raise isn't all that great. I dont know. Ive been trying to type this all day but I keep getting distracted so thats all for now. |
